Emotional Condom

Down, down the rabbit hole I fell…

These past few weeks are a major mishmash of events. Everything’s happening, more of bad news instead of good. My mind’s all wired-up, a glorious puzzle of twisted nerves, scattered thoughts, and an unwilling omelette of emotions. I am so worried. And scared. All I want is to huddle myself in a corner, walling myself up from the wind, crying until this storm breaks. Courage kept me going, rekindling my hope. Everything will come to pass, and all will be well. But fear kept rearing its neck up at me.

Probably when this is all over, and everything’s back as it once was, I’ll find the inspiration to write once more. I’ve got a lot of things all bottled-up inside, hiding from the tempest, waiting for the storm to blow itself away before it will gingerly emerge from the shadows to fly free once more.

My fear resides with my fury. I am afraid that if I speak, my anger will soon take over and consume me. Keeping this creature within is my happiness, however fleeting it may seem to me nowadays. Every single opportunity of laughter serves as reinforcements to the bars of this cage, preventing this rage from lashing out. Protection from myself and others.

So here I cry, my tears momentarily blinding myself from the stark reality I will be facing once more. I am counting the days.

I want peace.
I want light.
I want freedom.
I want release.

Who could’ve known that crying yourself to sleep gives you that same amount of hang over you get by drinking all night? I’m down to my second handkerchief. My first one is literally soaked with tears.